| Hitched! |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|01:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
Viva Las Vegas! :D |
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| Why you NEED to caucus tomorrow in Washington. |
[Feb. 8th, 2008|05:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
Tomorrow is an important day for Washington and several other states. Tomorrow is the presidential caucus - 1pm sharp.
You may think that taking an hour out of your busy life just isn't possible. But I really truly believe that you can't afford NOT to attend a caucus. If work is an issue, employers are legally required to grant time off for voting and caucusing. You have no excuse not to be there tomorrow!
Those of you that know me well know that I'm politically active, and have been in the past, but this time - it is different! The importance is paramount!
It's no secret that I'm a Barack Obama supporter. I still remember exactly when I decided that he was the one that should be leading us. I was sitting in It's A Beautiful Pizza down on Belmont in Portland, watching the DRC. He came on and delivered that powerful, moving speech, and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that several people in that room had tears in their eyes, myself included. I said out loud "Oh my god, that man needs to be President. What was his name again?"
I watched him grow and be elected to the Illinois Senate. I watched his voting record, and his speeches. From day one he was MY candidate. And throughout the years this feeling has only increased. I wasn't the only one. He was essentially drafted, by all of us. We asked him to serve, and he's heeding the call.
The media is doing a really good job now of mocking the Obama campaign. They love to paint us as a bunch of touchy feely liberals with our heads in the clouds. What they didn't count on was raising 32 million dollars in one month, with zero contributions from lobbyists or special interests. It came from people like you, and me, and my fiance, who contributed to a political campaign for the first time in his life. It came from single moms, who are so concerned about the future that they send off the only spare money they have because they believe in change, and they believe in hope.
The media tells me that because I am white and I am a woman that I am or should be a Hillary Clinton voter. As a feminist and a person I find it extremely offensive that there is an assumption that I should vote for her simply because she's a woman. This is as offensive as a man stating he won't vote for her because she's a woman. If you believe in what Hillary Clinton has to say, male, female, black, white whoever you are then vote for her.
I refuse to believe that simply because of her gender she has earned the White House, and I refuse to believe that because of her gender she will truly provide us the change we desperately need.
Before you case your caucus vote, I'd like to ask you to do a little research. Yes, you can start at Barackobama.com and Hillaryclinton.com, but obviously those sites are political propaganda. Don't stop there. Research voting records. Research where their campaign money comes from. Check out moveon.org and Fact Check. What you find might surprise you.
It might surprise you to see that a lot of Hillary's money comes from lobbyists, and even donations from those in the middle east, from political leaders who try to keep women as second class citizens. Check out where Bill Clinton has been getting donations from over there.
It also might surprise you to learn that Hillary voted to give President Bush carte blanche over the situation in Iraq. In contrast, Barack voted completely against the war from day one. The Clinton campaign tries to twist this, stating that he voted to find the war later. What Barack voted for, after the war had begun, was to better equip the troops that were already over there. Do some research about how they would handle difficult foreign politics. It will shock you how different their strategies are.
Hillary's number one issue is Universal Healthcare. Are you aware that those that would be unable to afford the co-payments for health care and therefore refuse to sign up will be fined? Check out what's happening in Massachusetts for an idea of how this will play out, and how it's harming not only low income people but middle class Americans as well. Barack believes in offering healthcare to everyone, on a sliding scale, believing that if health insurance is in a person's reach, they will choose to purchase it. He believes we are smart enough to make our own choices without being bullied.
Check out the amount of money the Clinton campaign has received from healthcare companies, and then think about how that plays into her Universal Health Care plan.
I could go on all day about the inconsistencies in what Hillary does and says, but ultimately voting is a very personal decision. I sincerely hope that you are concerned enough about our country to make an informed choice. Do it for your kids, or other people's kids, or your grandpa that lives off of social security and can't afford his medicine, or your cousin that is still over in Iraq on his 4th tour and his marriage is falling apart. Do it for the schools, and hospitals, and the economy. Do it because you give a damn.
VOTE FOR CHANGE! This is OUR campaign! OWN IT!
~S |
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| How much does my life rule right now??? |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|09:53 pm] |
1. My relationship just keeps getting better and better... of course, the 1 carat ring on my left hand really helps things HAHAHA
2. I get my Lasik on the 27th - no more glasses! They financed me for $0 down and $0 interest for 18 months - all my rebuilding credit after "the asshole" has finally paid off.
3. The job is going great, and I have a super mellow boss.
4. Dave and I have come up with a new plan for our kid free weekends - we are going to alternate Saturdays and plan date days/nights. I'm excited to see what he comes up with and am already thinking of ideas.
5. School's done with this quarter - I've officially earned enough credits to be a junior and a half at WSU next spring, I just have the 8 elective credits next quarter and I'll have earned an actual AA. I will love that piece of paper!
6. Framed the Van Gogh repro paintings - they make our bedroom look fabulous. Got a new bedspread at Tuesday Morning (aka my new favorite store). The only thing I need to get us now is a cool blue pillow for the bed to pull it all together.
7. Coley loves me again. He's been super lovey, and not just at 4am when I sleep.
8. Did I mention, LASIK SURGERY????? I'm just a wee bit excited.
9. My new hair cut and color kicks ass. |
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| Woot! |
[May. 7th, 2006|06:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cure - Love Will Tear Us Apart | ] |
He totally got a haircut today!!
*happy dance* |
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| Work excuses! |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|02:55 pm] |
So I'm looking for a new job. I've been interviewing, and just now another place called and wants to interview me. Of course, present boss has no idea that I'm doing this.
Between actual legitimate excuses(doctor, dentist, flat tire) and real and faked sickness over the past two weeks I am OUT of excuses.
Any ideas as to what to tell the bossman as to why I'm not there? Even though I have several really good prospects I am not comfortable with giving my 2 week notice yet.
Thanks! |
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| Just realized... |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|11:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
a year ago today was the day I took my wedding ring off for final time.
What a difference a year makes. Seems like another lifetime ago, actually. |
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| I miss Me. |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|09:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
I've been thinking a lot about what it used to feel like not to be afraid all the time. How it used to feel to not have your heart pound when I take my dog outside to take a pee when it's dark outside, a time in which I didn't check every shadow of every nook and cranny and be wary of every bush or corner, when a stranger could say Hi to me and I would smile and say "Hi" back, not wondering what type of person they were, why they were talking to me, what they wanted - especially if they were male. Back when I saw grey Chevy trucks as just another crappy car on the freeway, and didn't squint ahead, looking for the plate number and it didn't make my heart stop in terror for a moment.
I miss when I could say anything that was on my mind and not worry about how it would come across, when I could express my displeasure or anger and not have to worry about things being thrown across the room from me, when I didn't get a sick feeling whenever I'd walk into the living room and see him on the computer, wondering what he was really up to, knowing it was something he shouldn't be doing by how quickly he closed the window...
I know that I don't have to worry about these things anymore, because he is gone, and it was my strength that made him go away... but I miss being that person... |
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| So it's been a while. |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
I usually just blog over at myspace now, but I feel like cranking this one up again. The boy doesn't know about this one, so it could come in useful for venting purposes.
So a lot has happened recently. In September I met someone who would completely change my life - Dave. I was actually untangling myself from a entirely mismatched relationship - he was the first person I had slept with since my ex-husband. My rebound man, pretty much helped me get my groove back, and feel desirable again after being torpedoed by my ex's infidelity and abuse. Scott was sweet, he was decent in bed, and he helped me feel desirable again. For that I am grateful.
He was also needy, wanted me to change who I was, and an alcoholic. We had a huge blow up, I ended up getting dumped, he came back grovelling, I told him I was going to break up with him anyway and he pretty much went psychotic on me. The night he happened to go psychotic I was actually talking with Dave on the computer when he came over all nutso, and Dave got me through it... Anyway...
It wasn't all for naught, because through this guy I met a few new friends - who in turn introduced me to Dave. Dave and I were supposed to be "just friends" too, although we were kind of set up, it turns out. His friend, the "other David" I got to know and he kept ragging on us to hang out because we thought we would "get along and have some things in common."
Well, it was pretty much instantaneous that yeah, we did. We met at Coffee People, had a mocha and a two hour conversation. He wore sunglasses the whole time, and I remember feeling weird that I couldn't see his eyes. I felt an instant connection with him, that "kindred spirit" vibe - we finished each other's sentences a couple of times. I remember feeling a little disappointed when he told me about his plans to move to Seattle in a few months, thinking "Damn, timing is off... too bad." It felt like I had known him forever, we "clicked" from the minute I got out of my car and smiled at him.
It really hit me for the first time when it was time to leave. He hugged me, which in itself isn't usually my comfort zone - I will hug my friends on occasion but no one I just met... and when he hugged me I had to get on my tippy toes and I remember smelling his hair for the first time and I got that queasy feeling in my stomach... that first spark of attraction, and I remember thinking "Oh man, I'm so screwed." The moment we touched it was instantaneous chemistry. This had only happened to me once in my life before, and I never got over this guy... he wasn't the one I married.
I got home that night from running errands for my father and he called me to tell me he enjoyed meeting me, and he baked me cookies - when could he see me so he could give them to me?
We saw each other a few days later, at his house. There were our mutual friends there. He asked me to arrive a few minutes before everyone else was scheduled to come over, so we could talk some more. I literally felt sick to my stomach on the car ride over and thought I was going to throw up I was so nervous to see him. This was an entirely new feeling.
I remember when he opened the door, the first time I saw his eyes, I was completely floored. It hit me like a ton of bricks, there was so much in there, they got to the core of me. And I knew he liked me too. I felt it. It was palpable.
He was nervous too, and wouldn't sit next to me on the couch. But his kids came out into the living room, and the little one smiled at me, walked right over and perched herself on my lap with a "Cinderella" book. "Sawa," she asked, "Will you weed Cinderwella to us?" And her brother came and sat on my other knee, and I read them their story. The bond with those kids was instantaneous. It was like I'd been there a hundred times before.
Everyone else came over, and I caught him looking at me, and I was trying not to get caught looking at him...
We were teased by our mutual friends, as it was obvious something was going on. "No, no, neither of us wants a relationship", we protested over and over again - probably trying to convince ourselves this wasn't happening. "We just have a lot in common and like each other's company."
On our third "undate" we went for coffee again - another 2 hour conversation. I had to excuse myself in the middle to go throw up. It was completely ridiculous. Later I found out he did the same thing before undate number four... hahah.
Finally a couple of weeks later we admitted to ourselves and each other that basically we were dating, and he asked me if I would consider just dating him. I agreed of course, and our mutual friends loved to rub it in our faces that they knew before we knew that we belonged together. We officially became exclusive on October 2nd...
So we were the first 30ish couple to decide we were a couple before we ever held hands or kissed. It was about 3 dates as a couple before I got the balls to kiss him - and it was because I lost a bet and promised if I lost I would give him a kiss. And it was completely sweet and pure and earth shattering. It's the first time I fell in love with that big bottom lip of his.
About a week later (and several hundred kisses of innocence later) we lost control and had our first makeout/pawing session. It was the most intense experience of my life with another person that I had ever had before. My thighs were literally on fire and I ached for him like never before.
But we waited.
His divorce wasn't final yet, and he was still struggling with feeling like he was unfaithful, even though they had been apart over a year and it was in the works. I loved him even more, for having morals, and I vowed to respect his decision and not pressure him for sex in any manner.
This worked for about a month... |
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| YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
JUNE 27th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The DAY OF MY FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the stupid bullshit games he played to delay this as long as possible are OVER. I got my Default Order on the 26th - 30 days from that I file the final judgment and its OVER.
OVER
(again.)
OVER
THE HELL IS OVER.
I was so happy I literally SCREAMED in the car when I hung up the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heheheh
And then I cranked up Bauhaus super loud and sat there, with a huge ass grin on my face...
P.S. I've got a new distraction... his name is Scott... |
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| Birthdate |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|10:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Your Birthdate: September 22 |
While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings.
You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion.
Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings.
Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma.
An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail.
You are very aware and intuitive.
You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension. |
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| The update... |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|09:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
My life is very nuts right now. Just one week of school left - thank God. In exactly 7 days from now I will be on a plane to Florida to pick up my dad and bring him back here. Was time for him to enter a home, so I managed to convince him to come out here. :) It's been very rewarding, yet very stressful, moving him out here...
It would take me hours to write out all of what has gone on in this process, but its been a most wonderful distraction from the torpedoing of what I thought was the love of my life... Turns out the bastard was cheating... with a 45 year old. Hooray. So all the "paranoia" I had, and all the shit he gave me about my supposed "cheating" (never happened, obviously) was merely his guilty conscience... Also discovered that he was using steroids to beef up - I thought his weightlifting was a little obsessive, but this explains so much (like the mood swings). Good riddance to bad rubbish... it's all winding itself down, the final details will be worked out by month's end, and I am going to go totally insane with happiness. I want to throw a huge party in honor of my freedom... and hire a hitman to bump him off. ;)
Was supposed to have a little rendezvous with a certain someone in Florida - but turns out he's going to be in Las Vegas for work - I'm a tad disappointed but mostly relieved... it scares me to see someone that I have THAT much chemistry with right now... Last thing I need is to fall in love with someone that lives 3,000 miles away. Like life isn't complicated enough. I probably need to let my heart heal anymore. I know that this one is no good for me... no good at all.
Been asked out on a few dates, went out with a couple of guys on a "friend" basis, very nice, but no one I would want to be in a relationship with. New friends are good though. Trying to meet as many people as possible. Interested in one man in particular, but just barely getting to know him on a friend basis, don't think the attraction is mutual... yet. ;) I'm treading carefully, as this one could potentially get to me also... crushes are nice though. It's one of those crazy chemical things, where every pore in my body knows when he's in the room... he has no idea, of course. I think.
Same stupid job - new pay scale though, and new increased duties - bored as hell, but love the steady and decent paycheck... still wishing I worked downtown though.
Debating making music again, when things mellow out this summer I might pursue something. God knows there are enough creative people in this city.
Liking the apartment, but thinking it might make more sense to live by my dad when he gets here. *sigh*. I really like living *in* the city though... so I suppose I will have some angst about that soon...
It's hard to describe what's happened in the last 5 months or so. Everything has been huge... I'm not even the same person, of course. But one thing's for certain - I'm back. :) Never again will I waste time in a relationship that doesn't have my best interests at heart. Better to be alone than miserable. |
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| Yeah. |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|11:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
So I haven't written here in a while. I'm back on ebloggy also, under Veggie.
Weekend was awesome. Came home and all hell broke loose again.
He "found" the ebloggy blog and freaked. I wasn't having any of it, he went into full force attack mode, all this shit about Bobby again and I blew. Blew like I never have blown before. Like lost it. Screamed so much I lost my voice. I didn't know I had it in me to be that angry...
He's sooo sorry. Blah Blah. He's always sorry. It doesn't matter anymore. We are over.
Something inside me changed... its all different now. I always had a little seed of hope. maybe he would get his shit together, maybe his attacks would stop, maybe he would shape up.
I called my father. I cried to him, which was weird. He will give me the money to get out. I will take it.
I just got back from the bank, opened a new checking account. L does not know this yet. I don't know if I will tell him. I am afraid of his reaction. He's been more violent lately. 5 years of unravelling to do. Where to begin? I guess I already have.
I am moving out. My mother is coming over later and we are going to look at apartments out here by the school. I need to stick to this 'hood for now. I just want it to be seamless. My father also said he would help me get into an apartment, whatever it takes.
So I'm on my way to a new life. I should be happy but I am very scared. And sad. And I'm not scared of being alone. I like being alone. I can't pinpoint why I am scared. Its not something I generally share.
At least there are no kids of this union.
At least I am still young.
At least I am now forced to do something.
All I want is to remove myself from this situation and get out. Get out so I can think and so I can breathe. I haven't been able to just *be* in so long. I've been trying so hard to just survive that I lost everything. I don't even know who I am right now. I have to get used to the idea, I suppose.
I can do this. I've wanted to for years. |
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| fuck. |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|03:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | scared | ] |
Now tomorrow morning I have to go to the dentist and get my cavity filled. I'm terrified.
Such a baby, this girl is.
uuuuggghh |
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| Dream symbols... the subconcious is a wonderful thing. |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|08:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
Dreaming that you are in a hot air balloon suggests that it is time to overcome your depression. The dream may be a metaphor indicating that you are losing your ground or your foothold on some situation/problem. Alternatively, it represents the process of individuation and your quest to fulfill some spiritual needs. You feel the need to be elevated in someone's eyes.
Dreaming of the beach symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water means the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual. Dreaming that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc. Dreaming that you are looking toward the beach, suggests that you are returning to what is familiar to you. Alternatively, you may be adapting or accepting to the changes and circumstances in your life.
Dreaming of a bay represents understanding. Something is become clearer to you. The dream may also suggest that you are keeping someone at a distance and not let them get too close to you.
Dreaming that you are at the mall, represents your attempts in making a favorable impression on someone. The mall is also symbolic of materialism and the need to keep up with the trends, fads, and/or the latest technology.
Dreaming that you are flying means a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited. |
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| *le sigh* |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|10:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | homesick | ] |
Today is one of those days that I really miss Boise.
And I can't even pinpoint why. |
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| The update... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|09:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
So L's first shrink appointment was yesterday... had a profound impact on his behavior. I came home and got a 2 hour apology/guts purging session... admitting lies and validating how I felt. I had a lot of anger come pouring out and he just took it. Was very therapeutic. He may end up being alright. Maybe he won't abuse his next wife. Who knows.
He's got an abcessed tooth and is on antibiotics and Vicodin until Tuesday when he goes for the root canal... I don't think this will help our situation any, I think it will just buy me some time until I can bail. How sad is that?
This morning I got all gussied up in my new suit and had an interview at a company here in town that manufactures premium cedar. I had heard about this from a co-worker of mine (we insure them) and was a little hesitant, imagining all these things about it... well, it was all for naught... this place ruled! They do specialty stuff, like they provided cedar for one of Jackie Kennedy's houses... The lady that would be my boss was great, looked like she stepped out of a Nordstrom catalog... great sense of humor... Would basically be their office manager/inventory person. The office ended up being gorgeous and the kiln fire the wood right there and the smell is totally like valium. Now, tree hugging me working at a wood place? Yes, seems ironic, however, they are very into environmentalism (using all the by-products etc) and are responsible consumers of lumber. Besides, I've worked for an industry that likes to cause people to take it in the shorts anyway, so what's the difference? The corporate vibe there was totally up my alley, their philosophies were great.
The only thing that irritated me is she made a couple of comments about being Republican... I fucking hate politics at work, and have to bite by tongue big time where I am as it is. The only other concern that I have is being cautious about leaving "the industry". I have to decide whether I want to continue to be pigeonholed or bust out... I'm thinking bust out, because I have enough contacts to bust my way back in if need be.
So, do I want to be a commercial insurance agent or an office manager when I grow up?
NEITHER! Ha! But I'm thinking I like the latter better.
I go back on the 16th with the paperwork they gave me (they aren't in a rush to hire - they haven't put an ad in the paper or anything) to discuss things like salary... the money would have to be more to get me to move. So it will be interesting I'm sure! They've already started talking about me in the tense of me working there, and saying "I hope we wouldn't damage our business relationship with *insert name of present employer*". So I think I'm in!
I also came to the realization that writing for a living isn't what I need to do. The minute I'm required to do it I choke... I have to be expired. So it will continue to be a hobby. I came to this realization after I heard of a job at NW Natural writing copy for their marketing materials (same as I did before) for $50 - 70K a year. The money is incredible of course, but if I had to do it on a deadline basis it would just kill my creativity. How sad is that? Even if I was good enough to get a book contract, could I churn something out on a required timeline? I don't think so... |
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| HOLY FUCK. I just wet myself. |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|02:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  freaking out!!!!! | ] |
Who's going to Coachella with me?!!!!??
BAUHAUS.
RE-FORMED.
ONE NIGHT ONLY.
COACHELLA.
SATURDAY APRIL 30TH.
*thud* |
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| Lots to report, no time to do so. |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|12:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb. | ] |
Friday. Well, the Dandy Warhols were FUCKING AWESOME, and I really wished I would have braved the kids below and gone to the front of the stage instead of being an old fogie and being on the balcony in the front row. Regardless, I sang my ass off. I was soooo blissed out. They played "Genius" and I about shit myself... Courtney... OMG... so fucking hot I could have just died. I <3 him. I wasn't the only old lady swooning from the balcony either.... *le sigh*
Saturday... did some shopping, new pair of Levis... I like clothes. OH! AND I GOT WONDER WOMAN PAJAMAS THAT RULE YOUR HEAD OFF! Hahahahahaha. I want to wear them outside sooooo bad.... alas... Also went to Slabtown and had a couple of drinks... blah.
Sunday... I don't remember... nothing interesting. My back was fucked. Love to carry that stress around in my muscles.
This morning I had an appointment with an attorney... was very upsetting and emotional. Didn't bawl in the office though. so yeah, grown up me has my second attorney. *sigh*. |
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| Hmmm.... |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|11:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
I wonder how long it would take me to drive to Sedona, Arizona?
hahahah |
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