|So it's been a while.
||[Jan. 5th, 2006|03:34 pm]
I usually just blog over at myspace now, but I feel like cranking this one up again. The boy doesn't know about this one, so it could come in useful for venting purposes.
So a lot has happened recently. In September I met someone who would completely change my life - Dave. I was actually untangling myself from a entirely mismatched relationship - he was the first person I had slept with since my ex-husband. My rebound man, pretty much helped me get my groove back, and feel desirable again after being torpedoed by my ex's infidelity and abuse. Scott was sweet, he was decent in bed, and he helped me feel desirable again. For that I am grateful.
He was also needy, wanted me to change who I was, and an alcoholic. We had a huge blow up, I ended up getting dumped, he came back grovelling, I told him I was going to break up with him anyway and he pretty much went psychotic on me. The night he happened to go psychotic I was actually talking with Dave on the computer when he came over all nutso, and Dave got me through it... Anyway...
It wasn't all for naught, because through this guy I met a few new friends - who in turn introduced me to Dave. Dave and I were supposed to be "just friends" too, although we were kind of set up, it turns out. His friend, the "other David" I got to know and he kept ragging on us to hang out because we thought we would "get along and have some things in common."
Well, it was pretty much instantaneous that yeah, we did. We met at Coffee People, had a mocha and a two hour conversation. He wore sunglasses the whole time, and I remember feeling weird that I couldn't see his eyes. I felt an instant connection with him, that "kindred spirit" vibe - we finished each other's sentences a couple of times. I remember feeling a little disappointed when he told me about his plans to move to Seattle in a few months, thinking "Damn, timing is off... too bad." It felt like I had known him forever, we "clicked" from the minute I got out of my car and smiled at him.
It really hit me for the first time when it was time to leave. He hugged me, which in itself isn't usually my comfort zone - I will hug my friends on occasion but no one I just met... and when he hugged me I had to get on my tippy toes and I remember smelling his hair for the first time and I got that queasy feeling in my stomach... that first spark of attraction, and I remember thinking "Oh man, I'm so screwed." The moment we touched it was instantaneous chemistry. This had only happened to me once in my life before, and I never got over this guy... he wasn't the one I married.
I got home that night from running errands for my father and he called me to tell me he enjoyed meeting me, and he baked me cookies - when could he see me so he could give them to me?
We saw each other a few days later, at his house. There were our mutual friends there. He asked me to arrive a few minutes before everyone else was scheduled to come over, so we could talk some more. I literally felt sick to my stomach on the car ride over and thought I was going to throw up I was so nervous to see him. This was an entirely new feeling.
I remember when he opened the door, the first time I saw his eyes, I was completely floored. It hit me like a ton of bricks, there was so much in there, they got to the core of me. And I knew he liked me too. I felt it. It was palpable.
He was nervous too, and wouldn't sit next to me on the couch. But his kids came out into the living room, and the little one smiled at me, walked right over and perched herself on my lap with a "Cinderella" book. "Sawa," she asked, "Will you weed Cinderwella to us?" And her brother came and sat on my other knee, and I read them their story. The bond with those kids was instantaneous. It was like I'd been there a hundred times before.
Everyone else came over, and I caught him looking at me, and I was trying not to get caught looking at him...
We were teased by our mutual friends, as it was obvious something was going on. "No, no, neither of us wants a relationship", we protested over and over again - probably trying to convince ourselves this wasn't happening. "We just have a lot in common and like each other's company."
On our third "undate" we went for coffee again - another 2 hour conversation. I had to excuse myself in the middle to go throw up. It was completely ridiculous. Later I found out he did the same thing before undate number four... hahah.
Finally a couple of weeks later we admitted to ourselves and each other that basically we were dating, and he asked me if I would consider just dating him. I agreed of course, and our mutual friends loved to rub it in our faces that they knew before we knew that we belonged together. We officially became exclusive on October 2nd...
So we were the first 30ish couple to decide we were a couple before we ever held hands or kissed. It was about 3 dates as a couple before I got the balls to kiss him - and it was because I lost a bet and promised if I lost I would give him a kiss. And it was completely sweet and pure and earth shattering. It's the first time I fell in love with that big bottom lip of his.
About a week later (and several hundred kisses of innocence later) we lost control and had our first makeout/pawing session. It was the most intense experience of my life with another person that I had ever had before. My thighs were literally on fire and I ached for him like never before.
But we waited.
His divorce wasn't final yet, and he was still struggling with feeling like he was unfaithful, even though they had been apart over a year and it was in the works. I loved him even more, for having morals, and I vowed to respect his decision and not pressure him for sex in any manner.
This worked for about a month...